FREE broadband from Google

April 9, 2007 by  

Google announces free in-home wireless broadband service

Google has announced “Google FREE broadband” with the launch of Google TiSP (BETA)™,. It is a free in-home wireless broadband service that delivers online broadband connectivity via users’ plumbing systems. The Toilet Internet Service Provider (TiSP) project is a self-installed, ad-supported online service that will be offered entirely free to any consumer with a WiFi-capable PC and a toilet connected to a local municipal sewage system.

Google Co-founder and President Larry Page, a longtime supporter of so-called dark porcelain research and development.

“We’ve got that whole organizing-the-world’s-information thing more or less under control. What’s interesting, though, is how many different modalities there are for actually getting that information to you – not to mention from you.”

For years, data carriers have confronted the “last hundred yards” problem for delivering broadband data from local networks into individual homes. Now Google has successfully devised a “last hundred smelly yards” solution that takes advantage of preexisting plumbing and sewage systems and their related hydraulic data-transmission capabilities.

“There’s actually a thriving little underground community that’s been studying this exact solution for a long time. And today our Toilet ISP team is pleased to be leading the way through the sewers, up out of your toilet and – splat – right onto your PC.”

Users who sign up online for the TiSP broadband system will receive a full home self-installation kit, which includes a spindle of fiber-optic cable, a TiSP wireless router, installation CD and setup guide. Home installation is a simple matter of GFlushing™ the fiber-optic cable down to the nearest TiSP Access Node, then plugging the other end into the broadband/network port of your Google-provided TiSP wireless router. Within sixty minutes, the Access Node’s crack team of Plumbing Hardware Dispatchers (PHDs) should have your internet connection up and running.

According to Marissa Mayer, Google’s Vice President of Search Products and User Experience:

“I couldn’t be more excited about, and am only slightly grossed out by, this remarkable new product. I firmly believe TiSP will be a breakthrough product, particularly for those users who, like Larry himself, do much of their best thinking in the bathroom.”

Interested consumers, contractually obligated partners and deeply skeptical and quietly competitive backbiters can learn more about TiSP at http://www.google.com/tisp/install.html

Press release date – April 1st 2007! 🙂